You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
