All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize