how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
well you can't waste a boner
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
