the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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