An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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