if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
