i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
