Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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