We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
