i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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