fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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