I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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