It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
