The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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