Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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