Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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