he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
