white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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