You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
