birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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