Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
