I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
