I look better un-naked...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
