wanna go halves on a baby?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize