What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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