the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
