he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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