Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
