wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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