I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
