I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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