but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
