I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
operation harelip BJ is a go
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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