we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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