So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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