Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
