2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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