Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
