Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
