Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
