you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
