:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
