I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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