They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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