I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sarcasm needs its own font
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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