I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
