The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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