Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
