i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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