I showed him my bush... on skype.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
