You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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