i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
