i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have aggressive nipples.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
