i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
