I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
