alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
