he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
