When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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