I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
