my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
