I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
