Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
