Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
