Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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