Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
