I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
