You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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