Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
