You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
