oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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