she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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