Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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