seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
