It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
