Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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