I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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