Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
