I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
