I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
