I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
