HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
