I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
