i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
