He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
