If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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