I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Say something about gay babies.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize