Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
