the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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