dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
