this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My dick has a subreddit
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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