The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize