I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
