I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
