2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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