i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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