just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
