she looked like the before picture.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize