Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
