She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
