Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
