This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
