I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
