My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
