I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
