can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
