Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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