I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
