She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize