the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
