About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
